The Lamentable demise of a king and his fellowship
by Double-Trouble Desdemona
Summary: King Aragorn and his lady happily recieve their first child but due to his stupidity with the evil Eowen soon meet their demise in an almost funny but sick way-Written by Desdemona


Warning: I do not wish to offend by the violent and somewhat rude nature of my story. It is with my greatest hope that the demises and tragedy of the characters are found funny and not offensive. Enjoy!!!  
  
Aragorn and Legolas traveled to Rivandale after the ring was destroyed. Once in Rivendale Aragorn realized that know that he had decided to accept his tittle of King that Arwen and he would be allowed to wed. They were wed in a radiant ceremony of elfish fashion and Arwen's immortality was revoked with the passionate kiss her and Aragorn shared with one another. He gracefully lifted her onto his beautiful white steed in which they road to Gondor. Once home the lovers began ruling their kingdom together. Never leaving one another's side. One day Aragorn awoke to find his beautiful wife absent from his side. He sat up and she burst into the bedroom in a white gown with a look of rapture on her face. " My love, you have given me love and a kingdom to share. No it is my turn to repay you for your noble deeds. I am with child and I will bear you an heir to this throne. " Aragorn was overcome with a marvelous feeling of bliss. He leaped up and ran to his wife. He embraced her and held her soft body close to him for a long time. After his happiness was under control he said, " I must go and inform my men of this wonderful news. I will be back momentarily my dear." "I will wait for you and start to make plans for the child's arrival." With that Aragorn dashed from the room. Once out into the main hall he cartwheeled until he reached the door. He burst out into the mourning sun, which beat down, on his red face. He galloped to the brewpub where his trusted friends had already begun their mourning drink. After informing them of his news they decided to host a "soon to be father" party in his honor. They drank to every possible event that might occur in the child's life. After over one hundred shots even Aragorn the king began to feel intoxicated. This drinking went well into the night. And then who was to show up but the charming Eyowen arriving to comfort herself with a drink after battling with her husband. She entered the pub to see Aragorn drunk off his butt and decided to get even with her husband. She took him to a room upstairs and you can probably take a guess as to what happened from there. In the mourning Aragorn awoke to find himself on the cold floor of some room. When he opened his eyes he saw the half-clothed body of a woman next to him. He did not wait for the woman to awake for he pulled up his britches and went downstairs. He could barely see straight due to a terrible hangover one receives from to much alcohol. He saw his friends all asleep on chairs and tables. The smell of liquor and vomit was enough to make him throw up which he did as soon as he stepped outside. He wobbled to the castle where he found Arwen sitting in the courtyard with a somber look on her face. When he knelt down to kiss her she pulled away smelling the rank stench of his breath. "Arwen, the men decided give me a party. I fell asleep at the pub." " Well that is fine but I will not kiss you until your breath is sober for you emit an unpleasant odor." With that she stood and sauntered away. Sixteen years passed in the lives of the royal family. A female child was born with the name of Theadosia. She was a lovely, intelligent and valiant young woman with a nack for the elfen tongue. She was also graced with her mother's triangular ears. Thankfully she looked more like her mother that her father. Another child was also born. The mother was Eyowen and the father was brave Aragorn. Eyowen confronted Aragorn about a month before the lad was born. When he shunned both the child and his mother Eyowen went crazy. She vowed to take revenge on the entire royal family. The young fellow was named Augustus. One day Theadosia was sitting reading in the courtyard when a blanched haired gentleman approached. He was quite homely and she disregarded him. As he came notably close to her he pulled out a dagger and stabbed her in her shoulder. She fell forthwith to the ground. Arwen whom was observing her daughter from the roof top garden ran downstairs as fast as she could. She was wailing and Aragorn also heard her. He burst out of his room and met up with Arwen. When they came outside Theadosia was weeping softly. She was bleeding from her shoulder. Aragorn lifted her from the ground and carried her to the medical quarters. There her wound was cleaned and bandaged. Luckily the dagger did not strike anything vital to her body. When Aragorn asked her who her assailant was she said " Oh Father, it was the most hideous young man I have ever seen. He looked to be about my age and he said 'Tell your father this is a gift from Augustus.' What was he talking about?" With those words the fear and anger in Aragorn began to rise. He replied "I-I don't know. What a crazy young man. We will find him though my daughter." He walked away leaving Theadosia to her sleep. He told his guards to keep uninterrupted attention on her chambers. Then he decided it was time to acquaint Arwen with the history of Augustus. "My Dear wife. I have something very um.Interesting to tell you." "Really? Did you discover whom Theadosia's attacker was?" "Well yes actually. I did" "That is pleasing. Now we can put him in the stockade." "No we can't. If we do his mother will slay you." "What? Who is this family who wish's to cause us so much pain." "Do you remember Eyowen? Well, it is her son." "Where is the father when all these terrible events are occurring" "He is standing before you with the notion to take his own life for what he has done" He bowed his head and Arwen burst. She began to weep and when her husband tried to come down and help her up she pushed him away. He pulled his sword and decided that he must save everyone from misery, but Arwen stopped him. "Wait!" she exclaimed in total panic. "I wish to hear the whole story before I fully judge your wrongful actions." "Well, It was that night the men had a party for me when you found out you were with child. I really do not recollect exact details but I think I was drunken and Eyowen took advantage of the situation. I never meant to hurt you. I love you Arwen." "That may be but I am still enraged that you would do such a thing Aragorn whatever your name is." With that Arwen waddled away. A tear rolled down her pale cheek as she turned back around to glance at the man who took her heart and then destroyed it. She went to attend her daughter. After telling Theadosia all about what had happened with Aragorn she to fell out of love with her father. The two women decided they would try to find the strength to forgive Aragorn but for the time being they were going to make his life miserable. Both women stopped talking to him in conversation but instead only if they had to. Even then they stopped calling him Aragorn and began to address him as Strider. Arwen relocated herself to new sleeping quarters near her daughter. The two women were under close watch and were not allowed to leave the castle so they started playing practical jokes on people and making a mockery of the palace and its inhabitants. One day Arwen dropped a sack full of water on Aragorn's head. He became livid and bellowed his disapproval to her in a kingly manner. She became angry and ended up slapping him. Then she strolled away with total disregard to what she had just done. Aragorn felt terrible. He began sending both the women in his life trinkets expressing his apology daily. The women began throwing them away after the gifts became repetitious. This nonsense went on for about a month until one day Arwen decided she needed to venture outside the castle walls and get whisky at the local tavern. While drinking Eyowen happened in and saw the beautiful elf sitting there. She pulled her machete and stabbed Arwen in the back. The bartender restrained Eyowen and Aragorn was summoned immediately. When he and Theadosia reached the tavern Arwen was sprawled out on the table. She was being propped up so that her back would not touch the table. Aragorn ran to her side. "Why? Why did you do this? You left the castle." "I am sorry." "No! Do not speak. You must save your strength. The doctor will be here shortly." "I will already have died when he gets here. Where is my dear daughter." "I am right here mother. Please! Do not die." "My dear I can not help it. It is my time to go. I feel the darkness coming over me. As for you my beloved Aragorn. I love you, and I always will." With that she breathed her last breath. Aragorn bent down and kissed her cold forehead. He began to weep. His daughter approached him and they held each other and weeped together for a long time. Then the sound of laughter was heard from outside. Theadosia ran out in anger to find Eyowen leaning against the building. "You murdering wench! 'Twas you who killed my mother. Have you no shame. You impregnate yourself with my highly valued father, send your son to assassinate me and then slay my mother. You shall die, you female dog." Eyowen ran inside the tavern in dread. Theadosia followed close behind. Aragorn saw Augustus behind Serinina. He rushed over and drew his sword. After a short battle Augustus was able to cheat and Aragorn was executed. Eyowen seeing this lunged at and grabbed hold of Theadosia's neck. The two fought until Eyowen picked up Aragorn's sword. She stabbed Theadosia in the midsection. She fell. Eyowen was standing over Theadosia about to finish the job when an arrow came flying thorough the air striking her on the breast. Legolas ran through the door and know stood idle over the dead king's body. He had come back for a short visit and heard the commotion in the pub. Before Eyowen died she sputtered out, "Curse you, elf." Augustus ran to his mother and began to sob over her body. Legolas ran to Theadosia. "Dear child of Aragorn. You are now dying. Close your eyes and let the spirit take you." She did just that. Just then Frodo ran through the door. Seeing the massacre he charged Augustus. Augustus held out his sword and Frodo ran headfirst into it. He fell down instantly dead. Legolas shot an arrow at Augustus and it struck him in the neck. Before dying he pitched his sword at Legolas. It pierced his heart and he fell down dead. Then Augustus fell and died lying over his mother's body. All who was left in the room was the bartender. He said to himself, "In a matter of minutes I saw an entire royal family, strangers from a distant land and an evil wench and her spawn die. I have seen it all now. But wait, I am the last one standing. I shall now be named king of Gondor. Whow HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!" The End  
  
DISCLAIMER: The only Characters I made up were Theadosia and Augustus. All others were the brilliant work of J.R.R Tolkein 


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